Our resistance to what is. .

There’s a saying “It is our resistance to what is that causes our suffering.”  The ‘resistance to what is’ is our inability to accept the actions and behaviors of others.  The end result is our suffering which can be feelings of anger, rage, sadness, pain, confusion, frustration, disgust, etc.  We can find resistance to what is in all area of our lives:  work, relationships, family, friends, strangers, etc.  Here are some examples:

• A boss who constantly watches over you and doesn’t trust your work;

• A significant other who refuses to change their behavior no matter how many times you’ve asked;

• A family member who insists on having it their way or nothing at all;

• A friend who always has to be right, even when they are wrong;

• A crazy person who cuts you off on the road and then gives you the finger;

• A rude cashier who acts as though she’s doing you a favor by ringing up your order;

We all know that we cannot change someone else.  In fact, we can only change ourselves.  Changing ourselves is a way to stop our suffering.  In fact, it is the only way.

Don Luis’ Miguel stated in The Four Agreements that we all live in our own reality.  This reality is shaped by the way we are raised, the conditions we were raised under and our family dynamic.  Because everyone has a different reality and perceives the world differently, behavior that is unacceptable to you might be acceptable to someone else.  For example:  the person who has to have things their way may have been raised in a family dynamic that didn’t allow for them to have things their way at all.  As such, their reality has convinced them that everything must be their way.  When they don’t get their way, they are reminded of the inadequacies they felt as a child.  Since they don’t like to feel those old feelings, they’ll struggle to be right even when they aren’t.  This person’s ability to be right is acceptable to them and yet at the same type you find it unacceptable.

You can make a conscious choice not to get hooked or tied into someone else’s behavior.  The decision to do this can be time-consuming; however in the long run there is a payoff.  The payoff comes when you don’t suffer anymore.  I make the choice to not get hooked into someone’s behavior.  It isn’t always easy and it does take effort, but at the end of the day I’m making a choice that reduces my stress and maintains my peace of mind.